My Journey From Hatred to Passion.
In one year.
Before June 1st, 2020, I despised writing with a passion — the same passion that now drives me to write frequently throughout the week. I avoided the practice at all costs, mostly because I felt as though I wasn’t good at it. To set some context, I am not a procrastinator. I will almost never be seen working late into the night on some random assignment that’s due at 11:59 pm, unless it has something to do with writing. So, looking back, what was once on my “things I don’t like to do” list is now on my “to-do” list for everyday. Crazy, right?
But why did I start writing? Well, I’ve always been interested in the concept of mental health, especially the stigma and controversies surrounding it. Given my past dance performances on mental health, I took the subject very seriously, and also wanted to contribute more to the community. And that’s why I started writing.
I found that what I had to say about the topic was far too much to just talk about in a conversation with someone. I realized that mental health doesn’t get the amount of attention it deserves. So, just like that, I had tons of time once the pandemic hit, and all I wanted was to use it to my advantage. So, that’s what I did.
I wrote a book, The Voice At The Back of My Head, about a 16-year-old girl named Priyanka, who moves from India to America. Given the cultural differences, she has a hard time adapting to the new environment, and that’s where she struggles. Throughout the book, she’s constantly peer pressured, and that changes her personality and beliefs. As she continues to struggle, her mental health starts to deteriorate, and at the end of the book, she makes a decision on how to move forward with her life.
The goal of the narrative was to incite emotions in the reader and make them empathize with Priyanka. Instead of using numbers and statistics, I found it more impactful and moving to have a story on how important mental health is, and what could happen if it’s not taken care of.
I never expected my quarantine project to turn into a published book, but I couldn’t be more grateful for that happening because I learned, grew, and found myself through writing.
Starting June 1st,
I wrote a chapter a day. I almost never broke this habit because I knew that skipping one day would cause me to lose my rhythm. So, whenever the urge to write kicked in, I went out to my patio and started typing whatever came to mind. This was just my first draft, so I didn’t think to edit it even the slightest bit.
Through setting that “one-chapter-a-day” goal and following through, I learned self-discipline. I didn’t stop because I didn’t want to lose my flow, even though no one kept track of whether or not I was actually doing so. This made me learn that in order to do something for myself, I am my best motivation, guide, and critique. I learned how valuable self-discipline is and what heights one can conquer by just setting their mind to something.
By Early July,
I had completed the first draft of my book. I felt so accomplished when I wrote the last word on the last page of the last chapter. Although later on I added 2–4 more chapters, the initial feeling of the “aha” moment and deep exhalation was priceless because all my work had paid off. From just sitting and writing one chapter a day, I had not only reached my goal, but I also developed a passion for writing, learned self-discipline and goal-setting, and dove deeper into the topic of mental health.
By doing this, I started warming up to the practice and developed a sense of confidence over something that I had once despised. I realized that I could’ve started writing years before, but I kept telling myself that I wasn’t good, so I never did. From this, I learned to never say I’m bad at something, because that’s a fixed mindset. It’s not “I’m not good at that”, it’s “I’m not good at that, yet.” Just one word, and the entire meaning of the sentence changed — just like how one goal changed who I am today.
Starting Early August,
I had finished my book cover and the second and third rounds of editing. For the book cover, my cousin helped me execute the rusty vision I had in mind. The editing process, however, was a bit more of a struggle. As this was my first book, instead of getting professional editors, I asked a close friend, one of my English teachers, and my brother for their help. That decision was perfect because they all sent it back within a week or so, and I could immediately get started after receiving an edited version.
I learned that the people who are willing to help are the greatest support and best companions I could have in this journey. It’s not about those who give me false enthusiasm, but those who are actually a part of the process, no matter how small or big. I learned to be more grateful for these small moments, and, more importantly, for my perfect people.
On August 23rd,
I had the final draft of my book sitting on my computer. After what felt like editing the story 500 times, I was done. But I wasn’t: I still had to upload everything to the self-publishing platform and click the “good-to-go” button at least 2–3 days before, because it takes up to 72 hours to publish. I wanted my book to go live on September 1st, as that was my Arangetram, a milestone dance performance, one-year anniversary, so I needed to finish everything by August 28th.
I learned efficiency, time management, and productivity as each of these were crucial to the launch’s success. I needed to manage my time in different areas wisely and be productive and get everything done and sorted out efficiently, all while not stressing out. I learned that “to-do” lists were my best friends, and that most of the stress I was feeling was self-imposed, which helped me relax and take a moment to slow down.
On September 1st,
the book was live on Amazon, globally. It was not only my first day as a published author, but also my first day as a high school freshman, and I felt as though life was coming at me fast. I had reached a milestone that changed who I am forever. Now I can’t imagine myself without writing, and that is the greatest gift I’ve received in the past year.
Through this whole journey, my biggest takeaway was to give everyone and everything a second chance. I didn’t like writing, but now I love it, and that’s because I decided to try it out, no matter how much I didn’t like it before. It is like John Bingham once said, “The miracle isn’t that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start.”
So here I am telling you to do the same, and give that one thing or that one person a second chance. Who knows, it could change everything.
After my book went live, I didn’t do much writing. It was like the end of an era, until I published my first article on Medium in January 2021. I was an avid Medium reader, but when I started receiving the “Happy New Year! UGH, I’m so glad 2020 is overrrr” texts, I felt like writing down my thoughts about it.
From then on, I published one article per week, ending with this one, my 20th. I say ending because I’m switching to a new platform, Substack, in which I’ll have a weekly newsletter open to all.
I’m excited to start my new journey, and hope to continue sharing my writing with all my readers and perfect people over there.
Thanks for reading! Until next time, stay safe, happy, and healthy.
